Apokalupto

601. apokalupto ap-ok-al-oop'-to from 575 and 2572; to take off the cover, i.e. disclose:--reveal.


It is crazy to me just how hidden the true beliefs of my heart can be--hidden From ME!

I started reading a book this week that I had put down because it was getting boring and it didn't seem to be useful to what God was doing in my life.  One of my brothers told me that he had seen several people get stalled out while reading this book right before they got to the part that God wanted to highlight.  (You were right, Anthony.)  I was very taken with the next chapter I read where a woman talks through her feelings of being under a curse.  I don't think I took a breath until after I finished the chapter.  It sounds stupid, I know, but I just identified so much with how she expressed her feelings and experiences.  One of those, "Wow, that sounds just like my life."  kinda moments.

The thing about people that believe they are cursed is that they accept unnecessary compulsions because they don't believe that they can be free of them without some sort of golden ticket redemption.  This is being fatally unique at its worst.  They don't fully take responsibility for there own decisions because they don't believe that they can really make better ones, yet the guilt they feel is even heavier than normal for these same decisions.  They feel guilty because they feel they are not worthy of having the power to overcome bestowed on them.  Yeah, I feel that way.  The depth of the feelings of being second rate and worthless are simply astounding me as they are further uncovered.  It's all based in this vast pool of past experiences of destruction sown into my life by the enemy.  What a weed bed I am.

God, my view of You is soooo distorted.  I don't even have a clue on how to relate to You anymore.  The only honest expression that I can bring You is my brokenness.  I am so messed up and full of iniquity and lies.  I have never related to anyone in authority in this earth even in a positive way.  It's always been some mix of fear of punishment and fear of disappointment.  I don't have any models that have not at some time or another hurt or betrayed me.  I don't believe that there has ever been anyone in my life that functioned mainly out of wanting what was best for me.  Please bring truth to my life.  I have no hope but You.  If You do not open my eyes then I am doomed to walk in the same compulsions forever.  Show me how to relate to You and how to walk in freedom.  Please show me how to take responsibility for my own life and stop waiting around for the magical moment that makes everything easy.

Some of the other experiences I have had with You leave me a ground work for truth that I desperately need to believe.  You told me Yourself:

You want me.  (You don't just tolerate me.)

You call me unashamed.  (My sins are forgiven and You don't view me according to my iniquity.)

You are with me always.  (I am never alone.)


I do believe these things, Lord.  Help my unbelief!



From Revelation chapter 12

 ¹⁰ Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:
   “Now have come the salvation and the power
   and the kingdom of our God,
   and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
   who accuses them before our God day and night,
   has been hurled down.
¹¹ They triumphed over him
   by the blood of the Lamb
   and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
   as to shrink from death.
¹² Therefore rejoice, you heavens
   and you who dwell in them!
But woe to the earth and the sea,
   because the devil has gone down to you!
He is filled with fury,
   because he knows that his time is short.”