601. apokalupto ap-ok-al-oop'-to from 575 and 2572; to take off the cover, i.e. disclose:--reveal.
It is crazy to me just how hidden the true beliefs of my heart can be--hidden From ME!
I started reading a book this week that I had put down because it was getting boring and it didn't seem to be useful to what God was doing in my life. One of my brothers told me that he had seen several people get stalled out while reading this book right before they got to the part that God wanted to highlight. (You were right, Anthony.) I was very taken with the next chapter I read where a woman talks through her feelings of being under a curse. I don't think I took a breath until after I finished the chapter. It sounds stupid, I know, but I just identified so much with how she expressed her feelings and experiences. One of those, "Wow, that sounds just like my life." kinda moments.
The thing about people that believe they are cursed is that they accept unnecessary compulsions because they don't believe that they can be free of them without some sort of golden ticket redemption. This is being fatally unique at its worst. They don't fully take responsibility for there own decisions because they don't believe that they can really make better ones, yet the guilt they feel is even heavier than normal for these same decisions. They feel guilty because they feel they are not worthy of having the power to overcome bestowed on them. Yeah, I feel that way. The depth of the feelings of being second rate and worthless are simply astounding me as they are further uncovered. It's all based in this vast pool of past experiences of destruction sown into my life by the enemy. What a weed bed I am.
God, my view of You is soooo distorted. I don't even have a clue on how to relate to You anymore. The only honest expression that I can bring You is my brokenness. I am so messed up and full of iniquity and lies. I have never related to anyone in authority in this earth even in a positive way. It's always been some mix of fear of punishment and fear of disappointment. I don't have any models that have not at some time or another hurt or betrayed me. I don't believe that there has ever been anyone in my life that functioned mainly out of wanting what was best for me. Please bring truth to my life. I have no hope but You. If You do not open my eyes then I am doomed to walk in the same compulsions forever. Show me how to relate to You and how to walk in freedom. Please show me how to take responsibility for my own life and stop waiting around for the magical moment that makes everything easy.
Some of the other experiences I have had with You leave me a ground work for truth that I desperately need to believe. You told me Yourself:
You want me. (You don't just tolerate me.)
You call me unashamed. (My sins are forgiven and You don't view me according to my iniquity.)
You are with me always. (I am never alone.)
I do believe these things, Lord. Help my unbelief!
From Revelation chapter 12
10 Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:
“Now have come the salvation and the power
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
11 They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
12 Therefore rejoice, you heavens
and you who dwell in them!
But woe to the earth and the sea,
because the devil has gone down to you!
He is filled with fury,
because he knows that his time is short.”
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Potpourri
First, I had my ninety day evaluation at work today. It went really well and my boss even praised me for doing a good job. He said that I have a great work ethic and to not lose it with a tone that encouraged me to be truthful and do the right thing even when it's not popular with my coworkers. This is the first time at any job ever where I felt like my performance actually glorified God instead of being a blemish on His reputation. Oh yeah, I got another raise yesterday, too!
Next, many times growing up I felt like a huge wuss because of how sensitive I am. Shoot, I still feel like that at times now. To get more to the point, I don't want my son to feel ashamed of his nature either. I must confess that at times I have caught myself trying to "toughen him up." God convicted me that this is not His will. It didn't work when people did it with me and it won't work with Maz either. It actually just communicates the idea that something is wrong and therefore that shame is warranted. In trying to protect him from the pain I felt most of my life I have actually begun perpetuating the same cycle in him. I should instead focus on making sure that he knows that God made him to be unique with a plan made just for him and that there is nothing in the world that he should fear because God is ALWAYS with him. Thank you God for showing me this now. Please undo any harm I may have already done and help me to represent Your image as a father.
Still going, I realized again today that I expect God to expect me to know everything. When my boss told me that he was pleased with me so far that I just needed to keep learning, improving and pushing myself to be better it came as a complete shock. I thought because he was my authority figure that he was just upset with me for everything I did that was not perfect and that he would not be happy with me until I was perfect. (Please understand that I am speaking in terms of the hidden beliefs of my heart, which rarely ever coincide with what I know to be true in my head.) God revealed to me that I would never expect Maz to have everything figured out, especially if he had never encountered something before. As revealed above, I don't always get it right with my son, but I definitely enjoy explaining things to him when he asks me about things he doesn't understand. He's five. He's not supposed to know everything at least until he's a teenager and thinks that he doesn't need me anymore. My point is that if I can understand that God is definitely better at keeping things in perspective about letting me learn as I go and that what really matters is how we enjoy one another as I grow, peace will abound. I think that's what He is getting at.
Lastly, I just had to share this. I read an article at comeandlive.com today that had a great quote at it's close. It's by a guy named Josh Dies who is a singer/songwriter, both solo and in the band Showbread. He was talking about how this time around on tour they got a little closer to actually doing it for the purpose of glorifying God and telling people about Jesus. They were more intentional about how they interacted with both their fans and the other bands they toured with. They spent time praying and fellowshipping after every show. They saw people healed, poured their hearts out to God on behalf of family members of people that asked for them to be prayed for, and saw the Spirit bring conviction on people to change their lives. He said that after nine years of touring, they actually started looking forward to their shows again. This is how he ended that article:
Next, many times growing up I felt like a huge wuss because of how sensitive I am. Shoot, I still feel like that at times now. To get more to the point, I don't want my son to feel ashamed of his nature either. I must confess that at times I have caught myself trying to "toughen him up." God convicted me that this is not His will. It didn't work when people did it with me and it won't work with Maz either. It actually just communicates the idea that something is wrong and therefore that shame is warranted. In trying to protect him from the pain I felt most of my life I have actually begun perpetuating the same cycle in him. I should instead focus on making sure that he knows that God made him to be unique with a plan made just for him and that there is nothing in the world that he should fear because God is ALWAYS with him. Thank you God for showing me this now. Please undo any harm I may have already done and help me to represent Your image as a father.
Still going, I realized again today that I expect God to expect me to know everything. When my boss told me that he was pleased with me so far that I just needed to keep learning, improving and pushing myself to be better it came as a complete shock. I thought because he was my authority figure that he was just upset with me for everything I did that was not perfect and that he would not be happy with me until I was perfect. (Please understand that I am speaking in terms of the hidden beliefs of my heart, which rarely ever coincide with what I know to be true in my head.) God revealed to me that I would never expect Maz to have everything figured out, especially if he had never encountered something before. As revealed above, I don't always get it right with my son, but I definitely enjoy explaining things to him when he asks me about things he doesn't understand. He's five. He's not supposed to know everything at least until he's a teenager and thinks that he doesn't need me anymore. My point is that if I can understand that God is definitely better at keeping things in perspective about letting me learn as I go and that what really matters is how we enjoy one another as I grow, peace will abound. I think that's what He is getting at.
Lastly, I just had to share this. I read an article at comeandlive.com today that had a great quote at it's close. It's by a guy named Josh Dies who is a singer/songwriter, both solo and in the band Showbread. He was talking about how this time around on tour they got a little closer to actually doing it for the purpose of glorifying God and telling people about Jesus. They were more intentional about how they interacted with both their fans and the other bands they toured with. They spent time praying and fellowshipping after every show. They saw people healed, poured their hearts out to God on behalf of family members of people that asked for them to be prayed for, and saw the Spirit bring conviction on people to change their lives. He said that after nine years of touring, they actually started looking forward to their shows again. This is how he ended that article:
Every day I read theologians and scholars pour over the Bible in an endless effort to unravel it’s endless layers. On paper, theology is captivating, it stirs the heart and mind and seizes the imagination. In person, theology is devastating, it shocks a man to his very core to see with his own eyes and feel in his very bones the truth that prayer changes reality and that Jesus, God of the universe, is moving in the world today.
The current of this movement is one I simply must be swept away in.
I agree.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Brain Clutter
Over the last week and a half several nuggets have dropped into my heart in weird and "random" moments. My head has been pretty cloudy lately so I haven't been up to trying to put my thoughts and feelings into words for the world to see. That said, I need to get some of this stuff out there so I can start proclaiming some of it, being held accountable to some of it and just plain old vent the rest of it.
1. My current priority choice is between peace and fun. What is more important? If something cracks me up, but is built on things that displease God, it's just not worth it anymore. God never promised me that I would have fun everyday, but He did promise me peace. Even vegging out while playing sudoku instead of seeking Him for comfort from a rough day at work is something I am being convicted of recently. Peace allows us to leave behind the mistakes of the past, get sure footing in the present and walk confidently into the future. Fun, though it definitely has its' place in the kingdom, many times is just about feeling good now and doesn't always care about purity.
2. To me, boredom=loneliness. I was an only child of a single mother for the first seven years of my life. By the time my mother married and had another child I was little more than a babysitter to my sister. I spent a lot of time being by myself and bored as a child when mom just didn't have enough energy left to entertain me. After she married, her husband got a lot of her attention, and when my sister was born, forget about it. As this has been uncovered, I see a lot clearer why entertainment has been such a huge stronghold as it ties into comforting myself.
3. Perfectionism goes way deeper in me than I ever realized. Anytime something doesn't go right at work, or in my marriage, or just in life in general, I own guilt over it. I feel like somehow, someway it's my fault. It spills over into the way I approach God and my basic level of functioning as head of my household. I know this is ludicrous, but it's what goes on in my heart. Without even thinking I respond as though it is my responsibility to fix whatever is wrong, especially when this something going wrong involves the displeasure of an authority figure or peer that talks down to me. If it is something that is beyond me to fix, I can't even begin to explain the overwhelming sense of shame that sweeps over me. I think this is why I have consistently avoided anything that is new and challenging for years.
4. There is no way forward except direct intentional connection with God and the body of Christ. It will not just happen. I must risk. I must push. I must fight. I must go out into the world and come home covered in grime and let Him clean me. I will acquire battle scars and wear them proudly. Through all I must be hooked into the vine and I Must Bear Fruit for His Kingdom.
To those of you that are my body, I love you and I need you now more than ever.
To my Lord, I covet the holiness that You are implanting. Keep digging Lord and please expose the lies of the enemy. Bring Your truth and cut away anything that does not bear fruit. I need You, Holy Spirit, to do the revealing work that only You can do. May this life somehow bring You glory.
I trust You Lord to bring forth justice and to not put out a smoldering wick. (Isaiah 42:1-4)
1. My current priority choice is between peace and fun. What is more important? If something cracks me up, but is built on things that displease God, it's just not worth it anymore. God never promised me that I would have fun everyday, but He did promise me peace. Even vegging out while playing sudoku instead of seeking Him for comfort from a rough day at work is something I am being convicted of recently. Peace allows us to leave behind the mistakes of the past, get sure footing in the present and walk confidently into the future. Fun, though it definitely has its' place in the kingdom, many times is just about feeling good now and doesn't always care about purity.
2. To me, boredom=loneliness. I was an only child of a single mother for the first seven years of my life. By the time my mother married and had another child I was little more than a babysitter to my sister. I spent a lot of time being by myself and bored as a child when mom just didn't have enough energy left to entertain me. After she married, her husband got a lot of her attention, and when my sister was born, forget about it. As this has been uncovered, I see a lot clearer why entertainment has been such a huge stronghold as it ties into comforting myself.
3. Perfectionism goes way deeper in me than I ever realized. Anytime something doesn't go right at work, or in my marriage, or just in life in general, I own guilt over it. I feel like somehow, someway it's my fault. It spills over into the way I approach God and my basic level of functioning as head of my household. I know this is ludicrous, but it's what goes on in my heart. Without even thinking I respond as though it is my responsibility to fix whatever is wrong, especially when this something going wrong involves the displeasure of an authority figure or peer that talks down to me. If it is something that is beyond me to fix, I can't even begin to explain the overwhelming sense of shame that sweeps over me. I think this is why I have consistently avoided anything that is new and challenging for years.
4. There is no way forward except direct intentional connection with God and the body of Christ. It will not just happen. I must risk. I must push. I must fight. I must go out into the world and come home covered in grime and let Him clean me. I will acquire battle scars and wear them proudly. Through all I must be hooked into the vine and I Must Bear Fruit for His Kingdom.
To those of you that are my body, I love you and I need you now more than ever.
To my Lord, I covet the holiness that You are implanting. Keep digging Lord and please expose the lies of the enemy. Bring Your truth and cut away anything that does not bear fruit. I need You, Holy Spirit, to do the revealing work that only You can do. May this life somehow bring You glory.
I trust You Lord to bring forth justice and to not put out a smoldering wick. (Isaiah 42:1-4)
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Infuriating Subtleties
No, this post is not about the nature of how married women communicate to their husbands (although that would work with this title also). This is about how the enemy tries to rob me blind.
I've made no secret that fear is the number one tactic that the enemy has used to keep me bound throughout my life. God has been revealing to me some of the other things that Satan does to keep me from seeing the truth by twisting it up. The times in my life when I have decided to push past the fear, invariably I have become overwhelmed. It's not the things that I have been asked to let go of that are the hard part, it's always by new ways of life that I know I need to incorporate to be a resident in the kingdom of holiness that seem unattainable. After all, God did say that without holiness no one would see Him (Hebrews 12:14).
As I was again feeling this overwhelming wave of pressure during a day of failures on my job, God spoke to me about the lie being used to keep me thinking that I would never attain His will. He said, "Michael, you are making the same mistake that you always make when you decide to follow Me with all your heart. You are confusing holiness with perfection. They are not the same thing."
So what is holiness then? If it's not doing everything right, then I have no idea what holiness is.
Yeah, I know that it means "set apart," but how does that affect us in terms of lifestyle and choice?. It can't possibly mean to only do things that others don't do. Set apart to what?
To whatever God asks, commands, or otherwise communicates to us in secret. We can't work on every thing that is wrong with our hearts' motives all at once, so we accept our weaknesses until God is pleased to take them from us and obey despite our imperfections.
Pursue holiness with all you have. Leave perfection for the suckers. Jesus was already perfect for us and we get all the benefits of His perfection just by believing in Him. Progressing in personal holiness is the natural result of God revealing His truth to us and setting us free, which is completely up to Him how He does that. We set ourselves up for this by asking Him for it and following Him where He calls us. Are you ready to go wherever He calls and leave behind everything else?
I've made no secret that fear is the number one tactic that the enemy has used to keep me bound throughout my life. God has been revealing to me some of the other things that Satan does to keep me from seeing the truth by twisting it up. The times in my life when I have decided to push past the fear, invariably I have become overwhelmed. It's not the things that I have been asked to let go of that are the hard part, it's always by new ways of life that I know I need to incorporate to be a resident in the kingdom of holiness that seem unattainable. After all, God did say that without holiness no one would see Him (Hebrews 12:14).
As I was again feeling this overwhelming wave of pressure during a day of failures on my job, God spoke to me about the lie being used to keep me thinking that I would never attain His will. He said, "Michael, you are making the same mistake that you always make when you decide to follow Me with all your heart. You are confusing holiness with perfection. They are not the same thing."
So what is holiness then? If it's not doing everything right, then I have no idea what holiness is.
Yeah, I know that it means "set apart," but how does that affect us in terms of lifestyle and choice?. It can't possibly mean to only do things that others don't do. Set apart to what?
To whatever God asks, commands, or otherwise communicates to us in secret. We can't work on every thing that is wrong with our hearts' motives all at once, so we accept our weaknesses until God is pleased to take them from us and obey despite our imperfections.
Pursue holiness with all you have. Leave perfection for the suckers. Jesus was already perfect for us and we get all the benefits of His perfection just by believing in Him. Progressing in personal holiness is the natural result of God revealing His truth to us and setting us free, which is completely up to Him how He does that. We set ourselves up for this by asking Him for it and following Him where He calls us. Are you ready to go wherever He calls and leave behind everything else?
Friday, September 2, 2011
Jericho
This week was really hard. There were several days in a row where I came home just feeling worthless and exhausted. God continues to use the avenue of my job to push lies in my mind to the surface and to reveal truth as well. I'm not even going to give voice to the list of lies at this point, but here are some key truths that I have always professed to be theologically correct, but I must now admit that I have never really believed as shown by my practices and habits.
He will never leave me or forsake me. (Heb 13:5)
He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him. (Heb 11:6)
He will give me wisdom as I ask without finding fault. (James 1:5)
He will forgive me of my sins AND cleanse me of all unrighteousness. (I John 1:9)
He will tell me when I go to the left or the right and come behind me and say, "Hey, over here! This is the way, walk in it." (Isaiah 30:21)
I now know and admit that I don't yet fully believe these things because when God challenges me with a thought of doing something crazy, you know like praying for the sick to be healed, fear is my first response. I recognize this fear as a work of the enemy. Just like the Israelites, I become like a grasshopper in my own eyes, but no longer. I don't care how scared I feel, I will choose the path of courage. I will be afraid and do it anyway.
My experiences this week feel like walking around those intimidating walls to the jeers of the residents of Jericho. It hurts just to hear those lies about me and about Him. It makes me feel so powerless, but I know that I am walking in obedience to the Lord and following his right now plan for my life. I also know that those walls are getting ready to implode.
The very same walls that served as that source of intimidation became a part of what crushed the enemy. That's about to happen in my life.
That is going to be so great when the reward comes. When I enter into the revelation that these truths are actually reality. Jericho is like my unbelief, and it is only the beginning.
Jericho is not even where I am meant to dwell. It's just a place to kill giants while praising God. A place to serve as a reminder of the glory of the Lord and how He fights for and delivers His children. The real blessings are far beyond, much deeper into the promise. I'm ready for that.
He will never leave me or forsake me. (Heb 13:5)
He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him. (Heb 11:6)
He will give me wisdom as I ask without finding fault. (James 1:5)
He will forgive me of my sins AND cleanse me of all unrighteousness. (I John 1:9)
He will tell me when I go to the left or the right and come behind me and say, "Hey, over here! This is the way, walk in it." (Isaiah 30:21)
I now know and admit that I don't yet fully believe these things because when God challenges me with a thought of doing something crazy, you know like praying for the sick to be healed, fear is my first response. I recognize this fear as a work of the enemy. Just like the Israelites, I become like a grasshopper in my own eyes, but no longer. I don't care how scared I feel, I will choose the path of courage. I will be afraid and do it anyway.
My experiences this week feel like walking around those intimidating walls to the jeers of the residents of Jericho. It hurts just to hear those lies about me and about Him. It makes me feel so powerless, but I know that I am walking in obedience to the Lord and following his right now plan for my life. I also know that those walls are getting ready to implode.
The very same walls that served as that source of intimidation became a part of what crushed the enemy. That's about to happen in my life.
That is going to be so great when the reward comes. When I enter into the revelation that these truths are actually reality. Jericho is like my unbelief, and it is only the beginning.
Jericho is not even where I am meant to dwell. It's just a place to kill giants while praising God. A place to serve as a reminder of the glory of the Lord and how He fights for and delivers His children. The real blessings are far beyond, much deeper into the promise. I'm ready for that.
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