So today started horrible. Lot's of residue from an uneasy ending to my yesterday. I went to bed and couldn't sleep. As has been the case a lot of the nights lately, not only could I not sleep, but my thoughts were full of temptations of acting out in regards to lust. i consider myself to be living free of this sin and to not struggle with it anymore than any other victorious Christian man. That said, the years that I spent not living in victory in that area make it an easy target with some extra pull for the enemy to use against me. Oh yeah, I had a bad night at work last night as well. Does this sound like a set up to anyone else?
About mid-morning I realized that my day was starting off really crappy and judging by my wife's responses to me, I was being really snappy to her as well. Great, now on top of being miserable, I'm feeling extra helpless and guilty for being a crappy leader to her today. Maybe I'm just really immature, but what would you do? Take it out on some random person, just keep stuffing it for the sake of those around you, or maybe grab some comfort food? Me?
I suck at asking for help. Today I did it anyway. I texted a friend and let him know that I was under some kind of attack and that I needed prayer. Guess what? Life still sucked for about seven more hours. Out of nowhere it just started to get better some time between six and seven. I don't know why God's responses to us aren't what I always consider logical, but I know He didn't let me down.
All I could think about on the way home was the verse Psalm 46:10.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
Context is everything here (as always right?). The preceding verses talking about all manner of disturbing things happening in the world around us and that at the voice of the Lord even the most daunting of them "melts." The most intriguing part for me is that phrase, "be still." I've thought of it often and shared it with a lot of my friends, but here goes again. Some translations get closer to the root by saying cease striving. When you dig into the Hebrew, some other possible translations are: fall, faint, don't have enough strength.
Give up and let ME handle it.
Come to think of it, it wasn't too long after I just stopped trying to feel better that the grace started to come. My coworkers picked up my slack and were very understanding about it. I actually started to enjoy the kids at work again. Not to mention that coverage for a vacation day just kinda fell into place so that I can go to a training in the morning and have the evening off to be with my family and friends.
My day started off terrible, but ended being a reason to give glory to God. Take that worry! Even when you dealt me some of your best shots and made me feel horrible, God still gets the glory before it's over. I love it!
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