Car Work

I set out to do some work on my car this round of off days.  I need new brakes on the back end of my crappy 97 Geo Prism.  I hate working on cars.  Something always goes wrong.  Something unexpected.  Something that I have no idea how to fix.  Today of course is no exception.

I delayed all morning what I knew must be done.  Finally, I backed my car in my garage (no easy task considering the narrow opening and slippery entryway to the stall).  I jacked the driver side rear up and got the lug nuts off much easier than usual.  Uh oh, that was too easy.  Maybe not, let's just keep moving I tell myself.  I go to take the wheel off, but it was rusted to the piece behind it.  This is starting to feel more like normal.  My mind eventually remembered the pry bar over on one of the shelves near my stereo.  Worked like a charm and I got the wheel off in seconds.  As I looked at the drum underneath I realized that this was the moment that I knew  would come--I've only ever done disc brakes before.

I made a call to my father-in-law who told me he would swing by after work and offer what help he could.  So I'm in limbo.  I can rest for now because I simply cannot proceed, but the unexpected continues to loom up ahead.  I have no idea how to fix this and will most likely have to work through many failed attempts to figure it out.

I realize this may all sound a little more than melodramatic, but I again have to face what is behind all of this.

REJECTION

Every time that I cannot complete some physical task I just hear my step-dad's sigh of disapproval in the back of my head.  I should totally be over this by now, but I'm just not.

I spent some time thinking about this earlier today and reflecting on how for some time now I have not consciously thought much about rejection.  I've spent a lot of time being thankful to be free of the shame that used to bind me.  Thankful for the light of truth that shined in and brought the truth that I am wanted and loved by the One who created me.  It seems that I've forgotten that some times the light shining in can be very painful as it reveals our own darkness as well as the enemies lies.

I still hold on to rejections from my past so deeply that it stands in the way of the truth.  If I know that I am loved and wanted by God, why do these old wounds and rejections still carry so much weight?  What other approval matters if I have His?  Everything else is just a blessing over and above that, right?  Why do I still fear this rejection?

Lord, I'm tired of being a prisoner to anything but You.  Help me to snap the chains of fear and anything else that hold me down.  Please empower me to live the life of a warrior for Your Kingdom that carries the message of freedom in Your Spirit that is more than just words.  Let me live it.  God, I'm begging You to help me believe in this wealth that I know must be true.  Regardless of what the rest of today or tomorrow looks like, I love You Lord and again remember that Your grace is just that, unmerited.  Thank You for all that You have already given and forgive me for what I miss due to my own sin.