Too Familiar

Today in our staff changeover meeting (for those that don't know, that's where the first shift staff pass on any pertinent info to the second shifters so we will be prepared for the night), after all the kid stuff was shared, we stumbled into a deeply personal conversation with one of my coworkers.  She started talking about how her world was being rocked because of a sermon that she heard at church last Sunday, and not in a good way.  She felt judged and specifically called out by the pastor on a certain issue.  Not by name of course, but her as a woman in a specific situation.

So what was it that disturbed her so badly?  She was in sin for running her household.  She was made to feel ungodly for being a take charge kinda girl.  Luckily for me, I was able to hear some of the depth of her situation before I opened my mouth.  With tears in her eyes, she proceeded to say that if she didn't do things around the house, that they simply would not get done because her husband simply doesn't care. It became clear to me that this wasn't a case of a controlling woman that didn't trust anybody to get it right.  It was someone crying out for leadership and not knowing what do in the lack of that leadership.  As we talked it went even deeper into her husband's perceived basic lack of ability to allow himself to be present at all to uncomfortable feelings, most notably grief.  My heart broke with her.

I was able to minister to her and encourage her in some things that I thought might be helpful to her.  (In a public setting in front of several of my coworkers.  One good thing about working at a place that is faith based is that nobody bats an eye when you pray with or speak scripture to someone.)  I couldn't help but feel that I was put there to comfort and encourage her because I understood the other side of her struggle.  I know what it is like to be that man, maybe not that extreme, and I know what helped me start moving out of that mind set.  I recommended the book Fathered by God written by John Eldredge.  It talks a lot about how men that grew up with absent fathers never learned many of the things that God desires us to walk in as men.  The solution?  He will teach us Himself.

Reading that book started me down a path of asking God to teach me some very difficult things that I realized I was lacking.  Months later, I am still painfully struggling for even just a bit of growth in some of these things.

The most bitter revelation came as I realized my wife had probably had very similar conversations with others about me.  My passive aggressive stance at times can make me very hard to deal with.  I know that my refusal to move and engage on certain things has made my wife feel much the same as my coworker--If I don't do it, it won't get done.

How could I so easily see the pain that my friend was in, and yet I never realized until I saw it in someone else just how hard it must have been at times for the one that I pledged my heart and life to?

Lord, help me again to fight passionately for the heart of the one I love, and to love well the one I fight for.  She is worth it!  Help me to be worthy of her.