The Cave

These lyrics speak to me even more as I read them than when I listen to the song.  They speak to a lot of the feeling that I have on a daily basis.  I hope they can encourage you the way that they do for me.

Lyrics to The Cave by Mumford and Sons:

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind


The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat


But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck


And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again


Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind


So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears


But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck


And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again


So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand


So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say


Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be


And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck


And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Too Familiar

Today in our staff changeover meeting (for those that don't know, that's where the first shift staff pass on any pertinent info to the second shifters so we will be prepared for the night), after all the kid stuff was shared, we stumbled into a deeply personal conversation with one of my coworkers.  She started talking about how her world was being rocked because of a sermon that she heard at church last Sunday, and not in a good way.  She felt judged and specifically called out by the pastor on a certain issue.  Not by name of course, but her as a woman in a specific situation.

So what was it that disturbed her so badly?  She was in sin for running her household.  She was made to feel ungodly for being a take charge kinda girl.  Luckily for me, I was able to hear some of the depth of her situation before I opened my mouth.  With tears in her eyes, she proceeded to say that if she didn't do things around the house, that they simply would not get done because her husband simply doesn't care. It became clear to me that this wasn't a case of a controlling woman that didn't trust anybody to get it right.  It was someone crying out for leadership and not knowing what do in the lack of that leadership.  As we talked it went even deeper into her husband's perceived basic lack of ability to allow himself to be present at all to uncomfortable feelings, most notably grief.  My heart broke with her.

I was able to minister to her and encourage her in some things that I thought might be helpful to her.  (In a public setting in front of several of my coworkers.  One good thing about working at a place that is faith based is that nobody bats an eye when you pray with or speak scripture to someone.)  I couldn't help but feel that I was put there to comfort and encourage her because I understood the other side of her struggle.  I know what it is like to be that man, maybe not that extreme, and I know what helped me start moving out of that mind set.  I recommended the book Fathered by God written by John Eldredge.  It talks a lot about how men that grew up with absent fathers never learned many of the things that God desires us to walk in as men.  The solution?  He will teach us Himself.

Reading that book started me down a path of asking God to teach me some very difficult things that I realized I was lacking.  Months later, I am still painfully struggling for even just a bit of growth in some of these things.

The most bitter revelation came as I realized my wife had probably had very similar conversations with others about me.  My passive aggressive stance at times can make me very hard to deal with.  I know that my refusal to move and engage on certain things has made my wife feel much the same as my coworker--If I don't do it, it won't get done.

How could I so easily see the pain that my friend was in, and yet I never realized until I saw it in someone else just how hard it must have been at times for the one that I pledged my heart and life to?

Lord, help me again to fight passionately for the heart of the one I love, and to love well the one I fight for.  She is worth it!  Help me to be worthy of her.

Head Space

This is taken directly from the book Sex God by Rob Bell:

Lust is always built on a lie.  And so for you and me to be free from lust, we have to begin by understanding the lie and where it comes from and why it can be so alluring.

The word lust in the Greek language is epithumia.  It's actually two words in Greek:  the word epi, which means "in," and the word thumos, which refers to "the mind."

In the mind.

Think about the head space we give to things and people we want.  It's easy for our thoughts to be dominated by a craving.  We're in a meeting, we're taking a walk, we're studying, we're doing jobs around the house, and the whole time our brain is miles away trying to figure out how to get it.

It takes ahold of us.

We are not free.

Lust is slavery.

If I want something to the point that I can't conceive being content without it, then it owns me.

One writer in the Scriptures puts it like this, "'I have the right to do anything'-but I will not be mastered by anything."

We are free to do anything we want.  But because I can doesn't mean I should.  There is a massive distance between "can" and "best."

We're addictive creatures.  We try things, we experiment, we explore, and certain things hook us.  They get their tentacles in us, and we can't get away from them.  What started out as freedom can quickly become slavery.  Often freedom is seen as the ability to do whatever you want.  But freedom isn't being able to have whatever we crave.  Freedom is going without whatever we crave and being fine with it.

Thanks Rob.

Anybody that knows me knows that lust is a big one for me.  This hit me really hard and I just thought I would share it.