Life has really felt bad for a very long time. Last night I went to a gathering of believers my wife told me about that was being led by someone who mentored me in the past. I was (am) so hungry for an authentic gathering of believers. Being me, I spent most of the drive up bracing myself for the discomfort of sitting in a room of people that would have to put up with the filthiness of my soul and whatever judgments they might rightly levy.
Lots of cool words from the Lord came forth last night. Way too many for me to recount, but the two that were for me were much needed. At one point, the man leading stopped what he was saying and looked right at me and said something like, "You need to stop worrying about how far you have been from God and stop grading yourself. God says you are an A in His book."
Later on my way out, he pulled me aside again and shared that God told him to tell me that He thinks I am a wonderful father and that I do a great job with my son.
I have been living under so much doubt, but there is just something amazing that happens when your ears get opened to hear what God is saying. Faith rises from the ashes of that doubt and starts to breath life into destruction. Nothing seems impossible. For the first day in years I was actually excited to be alive.
