Right Between the Eyes

I started this post to follow through on a promise I gave to this cute blonde that I love with all my heart, but as I started delving it became very clear that God was using this topic to stir something in me again.  It ties in perfectly in a lot of ways to my last post.  It's kind of like God used my wife's questions to answer some of my questions.  Anyway, here goes.

The questions all centered around the scriptures that say, "Jacob have I loved; Esau have I hated."  This is found in the OT in Malachi 1:2 and in Romans 9:13 in the NT.  (Also God again says that he loves/loved Jacob in Psalm 47:4.)

Context:  The first section of Malachi chapter one is God calling out an unfaithful people.  God says that He loves His people, but they question Him and say, "How have You loved us?"  He replies, "Was not Esau Jacob's brother?  Yet I have loved Jacob, but Esau I have hated, and I turned his mountains into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals."  God is referring to Jacob meaning the descendants of Jacob/Israel and all the land that was their territory.  In kind, God is referring to Esau meaning all the descendants of Esau/Edom and all the land that was their territory.

God is saying, "Just look at the evidence!  You have been blessed with good land while I have done everything possible to destroy the livelihood of the descendants of Esau.  They share the same origins as you, yet I blessed you and cursed them!  You could have it like them if I had not shown mercy to you!  Wake up!"

Context:  The passage in Romans is a bit stickier in terms of its theology and implications.  A little bit of a brain burner if you will.  It's one of those passages that many people a lot smarter than me have argued about for centuries, but I'll give it my best shot.  Paul is getting a little personal in the beginning of this chapter and talking about how greatly he wishes that all the Israelites/Jews could be blessed or "get it."  He is saddened that his "brothers" don't all have the same relationship with Christ and the Holy Spirit that he does.  Starting at verse nine he starts sorting out the possible misunderstandings that he thinks his readers might have.

Just because not all the Jews are close to God does not mean that God's word failed.  Abraham had a blood son that was not included in the promise, because he was a child of fleshly efforts not of faith.  Also, Isaac had two children from the same mother, but before they were even born God told Rebekah, "the older will serve the younger."  Next, again the verse from Malachi is quoted, "Jacob I have loved, but Esau I hated."

Paul's point, as best I can tell, is that God is sovereign and that, "He will have mercy on whom He will have mercy."  He is talking about the inferiority of fleshly efforts and the superiority of faith.

This passage makes the point very well of God being powerful and in control in every way.  The problem that most people have with this passage is also addressed by Paul in verses 19-29.  Is it fair for God to destine someone to fail?  How can He blame us for what we do wrong if He is for some and against others?  How could we ever resist His will?

Paul's basic answer is this:  Who are you man to question God?  God can make some of us for glory and some of us for destruction if he wants to.

 He uses the pottery analogy with God as the potter and some of us as fine china and others as "things for common use."  What if God chooses some to bear wrath so that those of us that are shown mercy can benefit from what we witness and thus glorify God?  Maybe God pouring out wrath on some is the very act of showing mercy to others, i.e.:  God makes it so that a young man dies in a car accident and several others wake up to their need for God because of it.  God allows a man to be blind all of his life just so Jesus can heal him and be glorified.  If God's glory is the most important aspect of all of our lives (and it is), we must accept that His glory is the purpose behind some of the hard to swallow concepts in scripture.  His glory is the larger picture that even the pain and suffering that make no sense to us fit into.  Hard to take sometimes.

As for the part that nailed me the most, the original story of Jacob and Esau has given me something to chew on for over a decade now.  I first started to dig into this story when I was in Master's Commission when I was twenty.  The story can be found starting in Gen 25 and going all the way until Gen 35.  In short Jacob and Esau were twins.  Esau came out first and was thus the "first born"  and deserving of the family birthright.  He would be entitled to God's blessing and a larger inheritance.  Welcome to the world's worst late fee, Jacob.  Even his name is its own weight to carry.  When he came out, he was holding onto Esau's heel, so they called him "heel grasper" or Jacob.  The bad news is that Jacob also means deceiver or supplanter.  That was his name.

 What up thief?

 How's it going liar?

His entire identity was tied up in how he was not as good as his brother and would never be good enough.  He could only hope to get anything through less than noble means.  So he did.  He lied, cheated and stole the birthright away from his brother in a two part campaign.

When Esau came back to camp from a long hunt with no game, Jacob offered him some soup in exchange for  Esau's birthright.  Esau exaggerates his hunger into starving nigh unto death and gives it up just that quick.  Step one complete.  Esau probably thought that everything was still good because he was his father's favorite and dad would never give away his inheritance.

Next Rebekah helps Jacob and conspires with him on how to deceive Isaac into giving his blessing to Jacob.  He uses a disguise to fool his dad since he is very old and has bad eyes.  It works and Isaac prays his blessing onto Jacob.  This was such a big deal that when Esau found out, he swore to kill Jacob once Isaac had passed away.

The Long-Awaited Point:   God loves those who prioritize Him and His blessing even if the natural means that are used to make that priority are not perfect.  Esau put no value on his blessing from God and sold it for a value meal.  He slapped God in the face and God did not take very kindly to it.  Remember how Malachi said that his inheritance was a wasteland?  Jacob did everything he could to obtain God's blessing.  Over the course of his life he has several encounters with God personally, something that rarely happened then.  God even changes his identity to that of a "Prince with God"  before it's all over.

Don't think that Jacob got off scott free either.  He still suffered many bad turns over the years that followed.  He was on the run for his life, lived as a traveler in the desert, once he finally hooked up with some distant relatives he gets deceived into working for fourteen years instead of seven to get the woman that he loves, and  he almost gets into a battle with his uncle when he decides to head back home after all those years.

The funniest thing to me is that even after being given his new name and God reminding Jacob that He is with him, Jacob is still up to his old tricks.  When he eventually meets his brother again, he makes an elaborate plan to make sure that by the time Esau gets to him he will be calm.  His plan?  He sends his family and servants ahead of him in packs and tells them to kiss Esau's butt basically.  When Jacob finds out that Esau is not mad any longer and welcomes him back to his home Jacob says, "I can't move fast because of all the women and cattle.  I'll catch up to you."  After Esau leaves, Jacob goes to another area and makes his own settlement instead of going straight to his brother's place.  Really?  After all that you're still not being straight forward?

Anyway, what I take from this is that God's perspective is often different from ours.  It is better to pursue God some way, any way that we can rather than to not pursue Him at all or to be indifferent.  What this does for me is remind that even though I may suffer some uncomfortable circumstances when I do things that are not wise, if my heart is seeking after God, I will find Him and obtain His blessing.

What I'm learning about Myself

I hate risk.

I hate it because I am afraid of it.

I hate taking a chance and being wrong.

Being wrong always bears pain and shame for me.

I am being driven so crazy by how present this thinking is in me, that I just want to do something that I know is absolutely foolish and risky.

What if the only way that I can learn to trust God in risk is to know that even when I get it wrong He's still going to get it right if I enter into that decision with a pure heart?

I once heard a mentor say that he would always err on the side of obedience.  That didn't make sense to me.  How could you ever err with obedience?

The problem with that question is that it assumes that it is possible to always know for sure exactly what it is that God wants us to do.  Is that really possible?  It never has been for me.  My flesh gets in the way of hearing God way too much.

To refocus, is there any way to learn how to forgive other than to be wronged by someone and have to choose to forgive?  Is there any other way to learn patience than to be driven to the point of impatience and having to choose patience anyway.  Is there any way to build any muscle except to break it down and then let the body heal it?

Maybe the answer is not to constantly run from my brokenness, but to more fully accept that God is in my life, even with all my nasty mess.  Maybe it isn't too good to be true.  Maybe He really will pick me up no matter how many times I fall after i take off the training wheels.

That strikes a very particular parallel in my life.  I didn't learn how to ride a bike until I was ten.  I loved riding my bike when I was five with my training wheels.  It was a cool Knight Rider bike with a big black KITT shaped console on top of the handle bars.  It wasn't long before I realized that I was one of the oldest kids with training wheels.  I told my mom that I wanted to learn how to ride without them.  She tried to hold the seat and give a push, but I was just too scared.  I'm sure the absence of a strong male figure didn't help.  I tried a few more times over the next couple years, but I would always give up too easy.  Man did I feel like a dork riding a scooter when all my friends would be cruising on their bikes.  Eventually I just picked up a friend's bike that they had laid aside and just started doing it.  Maybe God gave me grace and just made me learn so that I wouldn't miss out on all the cool adventures to be had over the next few years.

The principle of risk in itself is a bike for me.  I've tried it a few times and almost always fallen off.  I tried to take off the training wheels with little success and resigned myself to just not being able to do what everybody else seems to do so easily.  What I am coming to realize is that a whole new world is waiting for me on the other side of the this principle.  I must master it and it simply won't happen without just doing it.

For the first time in awhile, my heart is stirring and it's time to start following my heart again.

I have a Father now, and I need to trust that He won't let me end in shame as I pursue Him.